IIT Guwahati, Signing off!

“the pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again”- Dipanjan

One of my friend from IIT Bombay called me and asked, “what is the rank?” “Bro, it’s 24th March, the result is supposed to come on March 27th”, I said. “Idiot, the result has already been published, go check it out and let me know”, he said.I opened my chrome, wrote “JAM 2017 result” on Google search engine, and got the result. Yes! I had been selected for an IIT, although that time I didn’t know which IIT I was going to get; but, I was sure that at least one of the old IIT I would definitely get. So, I aired this news to all of my friends, family members, relatives and all of them was very happy! After that I called my girlfriend- “I have been selected for M.Sc in IIT, after two years of M.Sc I would have a good career and then I could talk to your father for our future,” I told her. “Congratulation, but it’s over,” she mumbled. And the rest of the stories you all know!

After two and a half month, I came to IIT Guwahati: this was the IIT which I had never wanted to be selected in, but I got it, and I had to come. So, I got admission in IIT: a top institute in India and people from all over India are getting mad to become a part of it; but, I wasn’t happy! And the reason- why I wasn’t happy- you all know, I guess. Before coming here, I searched about it on Google, and the first thing which I came to know was: it is one of the top institutes in India which has an alluring campus, and one of the Quora users had written on Quora: IIT Guwahati is heaven! Heaven? The word seems like too enchanting right? You, whoever has not visited IIT Guwahati, might think that I’m saying this because I’m a part of it, and being a part of this campus, how could I vilify it, right? Okay then, come to IIT Guwahati, wake up at 6 am, or if you are too drowsy, then I’m allowing you to sleep for 30 minutes more! So basically what I want to say: wake up in the morning, go to the entrance side of the campus, and look around you; now, let me tell you what you’re going to see: the whole campus is hovering surrounded by the giant hills; and by that time, after seeing it, you’ll realize that you are, indeed, in heaven!

So, I, basically, had been selected to study in heaven! Though I wasn’t very excited before coming here; but, after seeing the campus, I started getting goosebumps. But I, still, was unsure about how the people- my batchmates- would behave with each other. First I met one of my hostel friend, Ripan, and after two-three days we became a good friend. Then it was the registration day where we were sitting in a gigantic room. I and Ripan were sitting in the last row of the room and were checking different people coming one by one. Then I saw a girl- wearing blue jeans and a black t-shirt, I guess, with a goggle- was talking to some other girls. While talking, she was smiling at some point; and, at that point, I was captivated by her winsome smile! I thought she was from another department but, fortunately, she belongs to our own department. And we became a good friend after some days. Now, Don’t you dare to ask me her name!

So, after a few days of the registration, the classes, as well as the friendship with the peoples, had started. I can not write about every single friend and every single day spent in IIT Guwahati; but, what I can say is that- IIT Guwahati has given me the things which I would’ve never got If I didn’t come here: friends from all over India.Yes, I got friends from almost every states in India. I’m from Calcutta; basically I’m a so-called, Bengali boy, and I’ve never been in other states in India; so, I didn’t have any idea about the people of other states: how they talk to each other, what they eat, how they are as a friend and so on… IIT Guwahati gave me the chance to explore India through all of them.

Now, though, I have never been in Delhi, but when someone is talking about Delhi, I think of Akash and Ankit, and by that time, Delhi is no more unknown to me. They gave me the feeling of living in Delhi while I’m in Guwahati.Whenever I read some news regarding Uttarakhand, I think of Tripathi, and I start getting goosebumps while reading the news. It feels like the news related to the place where my brother lives, this is how much Uttarakhand attached to me!Whenever I see some people wearing a turban, I think of Karan, and Gaurav, and I got hopes of visiting the place, Haryana, on their wedding.Whenever I see some pictures of the pink city, Jaipur, It reminds me of Nemichand and Paras, and I say, to myself, someday, I’ll visit this place, and will explore the city with them.Whenever I listen to people talking in Bhojpuri, I think of  Anoop, Ashwini, Sunil, Nikhil, Hemant, Deepak, and it seems like I’ve been listening to this language from my childhood. The language is no more strange to me. This is how much I’ve changed by the impact of these UP peoples.Whenever some people talk about Lingaraja Temple, I think of Bhubaneswar, and at the same time, I think of Rohan and though I’ve never gone to that temple, still, I feel like something is connected to that temple, through my brother, through Rohan. This is how all of them has given me the feeling of living in all over India, through them!

Together, We did lots of things here. And the best thing which we did was celebrating each of our birthdays! Before coming here, the definition of birthday celebration was different: bought a cake, fed the birthday boy/girl, gave them a gift and had some dance.But, we people celebrate birthdays in a slightly, oh sorry! a completely different way! For us, birthdays were not used to be a happy days; it used to be a day of dismay! We took the birthday boy, made him standing by holding something, and started beating on his butt by slippers! And we had some rules- we did this only with boys. Whoever used to be the birthday boy, he seemed to very scared of how much we are going to beat him. Some of us, including me, used to take protection by taking some clothes under pant; but whatever they did, day after that, they had to wake up with a swollen butt! This is how much ridiculous we used to be.Not only that, In those three days of Alcheringa, we, together, used to dance like crazy dogs. The surrounding was completely inundated with dust and debris, but we didn’t care. We had to dance, and we danced till the music offed!

Besides fun and enjoyment, we used to support each other in our ups and down too. I still remember that day when Animesh came to my room and said, “Wasim, I’m not feeling well, tell me something so that I can focus on my studies.” And I used to think in my mind “bro, I, myself, is not feeling well too, how could I give you advise where my condition also is in deep dejection!” But I had to motivate him. And after few days, I got depressed too, and I went to his room and said, “Animesh, I’m not feeling well, tell me something so that I can focus on my studies!” This is how we used to be dependent on each other!

Whatever we did, we did together, we bunk classes, we got drunk and danced in the campus, we took selfies in running classes, we abused each other, we made fun of each other; we argued, we fought, we stopped talking, and again, after few days, we started doing the same thing together. . . To be succinct, we were like a family- comfortable like an old sweater; grounding me when I needed a reminder that I belong to something greater than myself. This was the bittersweet moment in my life!

But, as everything in this world has its end; so this has to be end too! One more month left of this journey! We are trying our best to make the best memories in this last one month. IIT officially invited us for “Graduation tea party” to help us make some better memories. Our juniors also invited us for an unofficial farewell and we enjoyed a lot there. They have given us the best gift which I could ever imagine: a photo frame with a picture of all of us. And one of my junior, Dipanjan, on the photo frame, has written: “the pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.” Yes! we’ll meet again! Someday, somewhere, down the line, I promise, we will meet again! in a different place, a different time, a different life; that’s the only thing that’s keeping me sane, the promise that it’s not over yet. . . The timing is just off, and our life couldn’t collide right now; but, I hope to God that I’m right, and I hope, years down the road, I’ll see you guys in a coffee shop in a big city, and our eyes will meet again, yes! we’ll meet again! till then, Good Bye! [Signing off]

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YOU MOVED ON?

4th April 2017, University of Gour Banga, Malda, sitting on a bench, at 3 pm, besides a coffee shop, wondering when I would get to meet her! From past few days, we were having fights all the time. Our relationship was in that position where a small talk had become an argument. I didn’t know what to do as I was in a long distance. So I decided to meet her directly; I knew, I could clarify all the misunderstanding; but, for that, I need to confront her. That day, 4th April, I went to her university without informing her, as I knew if she found out that I want to come to her university, she will definitely refuse to meet me; so, I went furtively. Since 3 hours, I, rambling around her campus, was waiting for her. One by one, her friends were coming- I knew her friends from Facebook- but she didn’t. Time got passed, the campus became unoccupied, light became gloomy, the coffee shop had already closed; but, I, still, sitting on that bench, wondering, when would I get to see her!  After four and a half hour, finally, she came: holding someone else hand!

It was all started four years back.  We knew each other from our childhood; and, we became best friends since I was a freshman while she was a sophomore. There were hardly a single day when we didn’t talk. I used to share every single detail of my life with her; and, so did she, I guess! My friends thought her as my girlfriend, albeit I made them clear by saying that she is just my best friend. “A boy and a girl can never be just best friend,” one of my friends said. Really? Is there any rule that a boy and a girl can never be so close without being in a relationship? I don’t know! Maybe he was right, maybe not! But, in my case, it seemed to be correct!

“I love you,” I told her. “It’s never going to happen,” she refused. She had feeling too; but, for her, It was not possible to have a relationship with a different religion person; and, that’s why she tried to eschew her feelings. I, on the contrary, followed, only, whatever my hearts said rather than being pragmatic. I kept on saying her about my feelings. She was mature, she knew that there is no future of this; but, in the end, the heart always eclipses whatever mind says; so did her! “I love you too,” she said, after a few days; and, the journey to the destruction of two pure souls had started.

It started to be a happy relationship, but its future was virulence. She, being more mature, was very realistic about our relationship; but, I, on the other hand, being quixotic, didn’t even think that this relationship could rife with pain and perfidy. My conversation with her always related to connubial talk; but, she, knowing the truth, tried to avoid those. And that’s where the problem began. She, after almost two years, tried to get off this relationship, while my expectation had already increased. I couldn’t even imagine my life without her. Whenever she tried to abandon this relation, I, somehow managed her to stay. But the problem became exacerbated when she introduced me with her best friend. Yes! A male best friend. “A boy and a girl can never be a best friend.” Remember? Maybe you do, but I didn’t! She mate with him when she got admitted to the university for post-graduation. She used to spend most of the time with him; and, whenever I asked her about him, I used to get old hackneyed saying “he is my best friend.” Really? Why? Why there has to be some other person to ruin a happy relationship? The answer is arcane! Now, you might be wondering what happened next, right? Yes! Whatever you’re assuming, that’s correct! “He proposed, She accepted; and I became the victim!”

I should’ve heeded this egregious situation but I didn’t as I was busy for JAM- IIT entrance examination. After my JAM exam, I wanted to meet her but she refused; even she didn’t want to talk to me like before. I thought she is angry, as we had a fight before my exam; so, I stopped calling her to give her some time to mollify. It was March 24 when I got my JAM result, although we supposed to get the result on March 27th. I got selected! I called her. “I have been selected for M.Sc in IIT, after two years of M.Sc I’ll have a good career and then I can talk to your father for our future,” I told her. “congratulation, but it’s over,” she mumbled. Wait, what?  What did you just say? After that, we had long 2 hours of fight and arguments over phone. She cut the call; but, I, being appalled, kept on calling her, texting her; but all of this in vain. I decided to meet her directly. That day, 4th April, I went to her university, without informing her, hoping to sort out all the misunderstanding. After long four and a half hours of waiting, I saw her with someone else.

I don’t want to write what happened next, only three people knows that: she, him and I myself. Just one thing I want to say- I lost something, that day, without which I could’ve never imagined my life. Yes! I lost her, and that was the end of a long journey together!

It’s been two years now. Nowadays I stay in Guwahati, Assam. My life has completely changed. I’ve got a new life here with new peoples. We don’t talk any more now! I am busy with building my career while she is busy building her own life with someone else. Now, if someone asks me about her, I say “I moved on.” “Move on- a common phrase used by almost every person who had lost there loved one.” What does it mean by move on? Let me explain, “Moving on in a relationship means to live your life without thinking of that person constantly, to not be sad about the end of the relationship, or to not think about what you could’ve done differently or what the relationship “could have been.” But, wait a minute, am I doing the same what I supposed to do? Every day, before sleeping, I think of her: how she is, whether she is happy or not or whether she also misses me or not. I check her Facebook regularly to get her up to date information, though she is not an “all-time social media” kind of person. I check her Whatsapp whether she is online or not. Sometimes I see her online and I type something to send, but then my ego comes between, “I’m such an egotistic bastard,” someone said! Why am I doing this? I don’t have any answer. I want to ask you, yes you: whoever reading this now! you also had someone right? He/she broke your heart and then you didn’t have any choice but to move on, right? But still, you’re also doing the same what I’m doing. Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you still care for someone who even doesn’t think of you? You don’t have to give me the answer. You just ask yourself, “Have you really moved on?”