“Pain is pain, stress is stress, no matter what the process might have been.”
Yesterday, I was watching a video: “speechless” by Naomi Scott from the movie, Aladdin, and the voice of Naomi was so mellifluous that I was listening to that song again and again; suddenly, something, I don’t know why, came to my mind and I wrote, “what do girls like most about men?” on YouTube and it showed a lots of video which I was looking for. I started opening all the videos one by one and watched it- hoping if something I could match with myself! OMG! there are lots of things which girls look for a man: some of them said they need a tall and a big muscle guy so that they could feel safe with them, some said they want a man to be at least 4-5 inch taller than them so that whenever they would wear a heel, the height of both would match; the man should have a good beard too! without beard, as suggested by them, they won’t look attractive and so on. Besides physical attraction, they look for other things also- money, sense of humor, loyalty, understanding, caring and the list would never complete if I write all the things. And these qualities, interestingly, are protean- varies from girl to girl. Unfortunately, most of those qualities was not matching with me! (I’m sure you’re laughing at this). Now, the reason why I’m writing this is a single thing which most of them, women, needs or rather I would say, demands from a man. Now, you, those boys, whoever is reading this now, must be curious about knowing that single thing, right? And the girls already have guessed what I’m going to say next. Yes. . . There is one single thing which was common from most of them and that traumatized me a lot: “a man should respect a woman.”
I was completely flummoxed by listening to this, and I wanted to know the reason behind this ubiquitous need. So I took the help of Google again. “Why should we respect women?” I wrote on the google search box and I got, as expected, a plethora of article. I read a lot of articles but I wasn’t convinced. They had written, In those articles, lots of reason behind this but the pith was missing which I was looking for. The whole night, I pondered about it and I ended up having my own subjective!
If you google the meaning of respect, it will show two major meaning: 1. deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements and 2. due regard for the feelings, wishes or rights of others. Now, let indicate the first one as “extrinsic respect” and the second one as “intrinsic respect.” In the case of “extrinsic respect,” you can’t just ask someone to respect you if you’re not worthy of that. You have to give some reason: achievement, qualities or abilities, for which the veneration from the person — whom you’re expecting to have reverence for you — comes naturally. It is as simple as that. But, the major confound lies in the case of “intrinsic respect.”
Intrinsic respect is something which we should have for the existence of other human beings. Every person in this world has a different personality and it developed so because of different circumstances they had faced. Their knowledge, way of thinking, smartness, volubility, it all depends on under which environment they had grown up. Now, suppose, you’re an eminent person: successful in your own professional life. You’ve achieved a lot of things in your life for which people are always deferential to you. But, there is a surplus of people who even don’t have any single job to do! They’re working very hard just to survive, having an austere life! They are suffering a lot of problem with their quotidian life which we could never imagine. They are not educated, not as smart as you are! Neither they have that kind of achievements like you do. Does that mean they don’t deserve being respected? Yes. . . they do. . . ! They do deserve being respected because of their existence as a human being! Therefore, before judging them, we must have to think that their might have been a lot of reason for which they are in that hapless situation now. So, nonetheless, they deprive of the reason to be respected, they deserve respect too; as you do, being an eminent person. This is the whole concept — in my subjective — behind this intrinsic phenomenon, which women, nowadays, have taken too seriously. Now let’s take a pause here. . . and breathe. . . I’m going to get deeper now. . . !
Women think, what I believe, that they have to suffer a lot of struggle, more than men, in their life for which they should be respected. Okay! Here comes my misogynist concern! At the outset, I want to concede the fact that, women, indeed, face a lot of struggle throughout their life journey. From hormonal changes to giving birth to a child, the life of a woman has a lot of struggles. Crimes like rape, domestic violence, and trafficking of women- a business that thrives on schadenfreude- has raised a big concern and has destroyed many lives. But what about men? do they also suffer or not? In this regard, let me tell you a story of a man: he was thirteen when he had to leave his study and join his fathers work. He wanted to continue his study, but he lacked enough courage to convince his philistine father. He had seen his friends going to school, having other friends, enjoying with them; at that age, being puerile, he also desired that life, but he was encumbered by this harsh reality. His father was a very rich person, at the same time he was sybarite too — after dying, he kept nothing for him! At the age of 22, he got married and started a new life. But this new life got even worse: his mother was always antagonistic to his wife and vice versa, and, as a consequence, he became the victim! Besides this, he had suffered a lot of problems, and still, he is suffering. . . I have seen that person crying, getting depressed, being mad sometimes. Maybe I couldn’t understand him before, but as I grow with time, and try to face reality, I can feel how harsh the condition was with him; he is none other than my father! Like him, there are billions of man who is also suffering a lot of struggle throughout their long life. But, did they ever ask you to respect them? Never. . . Women go through a lot of shit, they do, most of it due to nature, some due to culture, but men also experience plenty of challenges that women don’t have to endure. It’s not fair to compare though, they’re completely different struggles, but, I think, more or less felt the same way. Pain is pain, stress is stress, no matter what the process might have been.
So, to recapitulate this long, polemical writing, I would like to ask all the girls over there: next time, if you’re also about to say that a man should respect women, wait and think. . . and ask yourself: what type of respect you’re asking for? Is it intrinsic or extrinsic? If it is extrinsic, then again ask yourself: are you really worthy of that? Or if you’re asking about intrinsic, again wait. . . and ask yourself: are you the one who only suffers? Every human being, irrespective of gender, in this world have to suffer, no one can escape the vicissitudes of life, and that’s reality, whether you admit it or not. So instead of saying, “a man should respect a woman,” if you say, “a human should respect a human,” that’ll make more sense!