YOU MOVED ON?

4th April 2017, University of Gour Banga, Malda, sitting on a bench, at 3 pm, besides a coffee shop, wondering when I would get to meet her! From past few days, we were having fights all the time. Our relationship was in that position where a small talk had become an argument. I didn’t know what to do as I was in a long distance. So I decided to meet her directly; I knew, I could clarify all the misunderstanding; but, for that, I need to confront her. That day, 4th April, I went to her university without informing her, as I knew if she found out that I want to come to her university, she will definitely refuse to meet me; so, I went furtively. Since 3 hours, I, rambling around her campus, was waiting for her. One by one, her friends were coming- I knew her friends from Facebook- but she didn’t. Time got passed, the campus became unoccupied, light became gloomy, the coffee shop had already closed; but, I, still, sitting on that bench, wondering, when would I get to see her!  After four and a half hour, finally, she came: holding someone else hand!

It was all started four years back.  We knew each other from our childhood; and, we became best friends since I was a freshman while she was a sophomore. There were hardly a single day when we didn’t talk. I used to share every single detail of my life with her; and, so did she, I guess! My friends thought her as my girlfriend, albeit I made them clear by saying that she is just my best friend. “A boy and a girl can never be just best friend,” one of my friends said. Really? Is there any rule that a boy and a girl can never be so close without being in a relationship? I don’t know! Maybe he was right, maybe not! But, in my case, it seemed to be correct!

“I love you,” I told her. “It’s never going to happen,” she refused. She had feeling too; but, for her, It was not possible to have a relationship with a different religion person; and, that’s why she tried to eschew her feelings. I, on the contrary, followed, only, whatever my hearts said rather than being pragmatic. I kept on saying her about my feelings. She was mature, she knew that there is no future of this; but, in the end, the heart always eclipses whatever mind says; so did her! “I love you too,” she said, after a few days; and, the journey to the destruction of two pure souls had started.

It started to be a happy relationship, but its future was virulence. She, being more mature, was very realistic about our relationship; but, I, on the other hand, being quixotic, didn’t even think that this relationship could rife with pain and perfidy. My conversation with her always related to connubial talk; but, she, knowing the truth, tried to avoid those. And that’s where the problem began. She, after almost two years, tried to get off this relationship, while my expectation had already increased. I couldn’t even imagine my life without her. Whenever she tried to abandon this relation, I, somehow managed her to stay. But the problem became exacerbated when she introduced me with her best friend. Yes! A male best friend. “A boy and a girl can never be a best friend.” Remember? Maybe you do, but I didn’t! She mate with him when she got admitted to the university for post-graduation. She used to spend most of the time with him; and, whenever I asked her about him, I used to get old hackneyed saying “he is my best friend.” Really? Why? Why there has to be some other person to ruin a happy relationship? The answer is arcane! Now, you might be wondering what happened next, right? Yes! Whatever you’re assuming, that’s correct! “He proposed, She accepted; and I became the victim!”

I should’ve heeded this egregious situation but I didn’t as I was busy for JAM- IIT entrance examination. After my JAM exam, I wanted to meet her but she refused; even she didn’t want to talk to me like before. I thought she is angry, as we had a fight before my exam; so, I stopped calling her to give her some time to mollify. It was March 24 when I got my JAM result, although we supposed to get the result on March 27th. I got selected! I called her. “I have been selected for M.Sc in IIT, after two years of M.Sc I’ll have a good career and then I can talk to your father for our future,” I told her. “congratulation, but it’s over,” she mumbled. Wait, what?  What did you just say? After that, we had long 2 hours of fight and arguments over phone. She cut the call; but, I, being appalled, kept on calling her, texting her; but all of this in vain. I decided to meet her directly. That day, 4th April, I went to her university, without informing her, hoping to sort out all the misunderstanding. After long four and a half hours of waiting, I saw her with someone else.

I don’t want to write what happened next, only three people knows that: she, him and I myself. Just one thing I want to say- I lost something, that day, without which I could’ve never imagined my life. Yes! I lost her, and that was the end of a long journey together!

It’s been two years now. Nowadays I stay in Guwahati, Assam. My life has completely changed. I’ve got a new life here with new peoples. We don’t talk any more now! I am busy with building my career while she is busy building her own life with someone else. Now, if someone asks me about her, I say “I moved on.” “Move on- a common phrase used by almost every person who had lost there loved one.” What does it mean by move on? Let me explain, “Moving on in a relationship means to live your life without thinking of that person constantly, to not be sad about the end of the relationship, or to not think about what you could’ve done differently or what the relationship “could have been.” But, wait a minute, am I doing the same what I supposed to do? Every day, before sleeping, I think of her: how she is, whether she is happy or not or whether she also misses me or not. I check her Facebook regularly to get her up to date information, though she is not an “all-time social media” kind of person. I check her Whatsapp whether she is online or not. Sometimes I see her online and I type something to send, but then my ego comes between, “I’m such an egotistic bastard,” someone said! Why am I doing this? I don’t have any answer. I want to ask you, yes you: whoever reading this now! you also had someone right? He/she broke your heart and then you didn’t have any choice but to move on, right? But still, you’re also doing the same what I’m doing. Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you still care for someone who even doesn’t think of you? You don’t have to give me the answer. You just ask yourself, “Have you really moved on?”